2022 or Bust

Or, how I've been surviving the beginning of the new year.

Listen. I just turned the microwave on in the kitchen and walked out of the room without putting anything in it.

That would be a really cute, funny, mommy blog-type meme if it weren’t for the fact that I never had any intention of microwaving anything in the first place.

No plans. No plans to use the microwave and I turned that sucker on and walked away. NBD.

So, if that doesn’t clue you in on how I’m handling things in the new year, I might as well stop writing now.

The last few weeks have been odd and tiresome and teary and all the things. We’ve come up against illness in our nuclear and extended family that has left us reeling a bit with time and attention; the juggling act of my current generation, it seems. I’ve finally finished the book proposal I have been working on for YEARS and it now sits, blinking, on my laptop screen waiting for me to push a button or send an email or SOMETHING but I can’t focus when people or things are YELLING at me and that feels like all anyone is doing these days. Not necessary at ME all the time, but in general, you know?

It is getting harder and harder to find grace in this climate right now. There are hard lines and vitriolic comebacks and bitingly clever social media posts that appear not to account for humanity as a whole and so, so much noise.

And I am deeply tired of it. The din, the drama, this pandemic if I’m being honest, and frankly the lack of forethought is depressing.

So here are a few things I’m doing to survive:

1. We began a “Good News in 2022” jar where we can collect all of the wonderful things that have happened to us throughout the year on little slips of paper to review next New Year’s Eve. It was a cute thought that I saw somewhere I can’t remember and was very optimistic at the time but I’m telling you right now, at only 6 days in, that jar’s empty as they come. Here’s hoping the next few weeks might reveal something.

2. I heard that The Derry Girls is getting a third season on Netflix and I was so thrilled I cried- and then rewatched the first two seasons to relive it all over again. Derry accents and dialect are strong, so I would suggest putting the captions on but trust me- it’s worth it.

3. I’m buying weird things. Hear me out. I’m not a shopper, either in person or online. I hate it. I’ve always hated shopping for clothes because of body hang-ups, I’ve always hated shopping for everything else because of money issues. None of it is a triumph for me. Which is why the fact that I bought a bust moonlighting as a planter is exceptionally odd. That I named her Wendy and call her, “Darling” as I pass by her and giggle is even more disturbing. But. I saw her, and I loved her, and I knew she made no logical sense which, I think, is exactly what I needed. To make a decision that I didn’t have to belabor or wring my hands over or report to NJ public health.

4. I am writing more. Every where. And it feels good. It is the one thing that feels good right now so I am holding onto it for dear life and seeing where it takes me.

So here are , friends. Staring ahead at a new year that already hasn’t had the start that we hoped for. Sitting in separate rooms, in different houses and states and countries and staring at a glaring screen. May the coming months be filled with the only cure I know of for loneliness masquerading as narrow-minded anger: the investment in actual, face to face community. May it begin with your actual neighbors.

2022 or bust.

Or if you’re like me, both.