Brave. New. World.

Book Bans, Religious Trauma and a Garden Hose

The water from the hose was so cold it burned my sweaty fingers. My hairline was wet from running back up the hill from my friend’s house, my jellies sliding back and forth at a blister-inducing pace. The patch of grass beneath the leaky spigot was already muddy, splashing up on my Minnie Mouse tee shirt. I held the running water to my parched tongue. My throat burned with anticipation in the 90 degree August heat.

And forbade myself to swallow.

I knew that the ones who were sent to hell, separated from God, languished in a fiery torment. They were unable to drink the water that would save them- they were also unable to die to relieve themselves from pain. I felt I needed a visceral reminder of what might happen should I choose to be disobedient by threatening my sister with bodily harm, cheating on my Math test, or telling Nana I had a tummy ache so I could stay home from school.

I was eight.

If I ever start to question if what I lived through is now referred to by mental health professionals as religious trauma, I remember the hose, the thirst, and how I withheld the relief I needed from my own body to scare myself into obedience.

It was a pattern I was encouraged to fall into again and again. I was deeply committed to denying myself, taking up crosses, and chasing after a god who never seemed to turn around to check if I was still there, panting and dragging behind. I never challenged my place in the world. Not for a while.

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I was 23 when I taught my first full year of high school English. Brave New World was on the curriculum for my Juniors, but I had never read it before teaching it. I cracked it open on a beach by a lake in New Hampshire the August before the school year began. I don’t remember the sun going down- I just remember struggling to see the pages and realizing it had gone dark. No one was in the water anymore.

Never before had I wrestled with themes of excessive government control, the magnitude of the suppression of critical thinking and individuality, and societal conditioning. I had never considered what my own life experience had been up until that point might be the result of conditioning. It would take another 20 years before I unpacked it myself in therapy.

Aldous Huxley came from a line of scientists and philosophers- one of his own family members coined the term “agnostic” when asked about religious affiliations. Brave New World was written as a societal warning- to be wary of where science and technology will go. To watch what happens when ethics and morals go out the window. To be on guard for anything and anyone that deliberately takes away individuality, autonomy and power. The conversations I facilitated in my classroom for over a decade were the most powerful during the Brave New World Unit. I tried to mask the fact that I was also, forever, learning for the first time with them.

Brave New World is on the banned books list, along with countless others that have led students (and their teachers, too) to see themselves and their place in the world a little bit differently. A former student reached out to me this week to let me know that it was the book he continued to write about long after our class. This list will only grow, as our nation becomes more and afraid. Fear in the powerful will always result in the removal of tools, instruction and education.

But I no longer deny myself what I need by withholding. And I am committed to passing around the hose to share.

If you want to purchase a banned book, choose to support an independent bookstore (either brick and mortar…. my favorite is here or online, here.) If you’re interested in how to fight book censorship, check this out.

And if all of this feels like hard work, it is. Make sure you fuel up with this:

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The World Has Gone to Hell But at Least I Have This Salad, Salad

Shaved Brussel sprouts (one bag from TJs if you’re too tired to chop)

Dates chopped fine (about ten)

Caramelized Shallot (one, thinly sliced, caramelized until golden brown)

Capers (1 tsp)

Chickpeas (1 can)

Feta (1/4 cup)

Toasted Pumpkin seeds (sprinkle)

Dressing:

1/4 cupEVoO

2 tbs Rice wine vinegar

1-2 tspHoney

1 rounded tsp Dijon mustard

Salt and pepper

Optional: maple syrup, tahini, lemon juice

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Nourish yourselves with food, with friends, with the kind of faith that is filled with the love for self and others. And when the mood strikes- drink straight out of the hose.