I am writing a book. That's as pretentious sounding in print as it is coming out of my mouth so I figured I'd just get it over with. I am not a professional writer. I do not have an agent to speak of. I haven't traveled all the continents, had a near death experience, or went to graduate school to become an expert in something useless, but book worthy. I am writing a book anyway. It is my first. I have written bits and pieces over the years, mostly fiction, mostly for children, but this is neither. I co-wrote a bi-lingual children's book almost 7 years ago now that we self-published, but this is the first one by myself. I am both uncomfortable and excited about the idea. It is nothing new. It's the same old story as everyone else, but new because it's mine. And it's necessary. I didn't realize how necessary until I was laying awake, narrating my own stories in my mind- with proper punctuation. I must write it out to stop the narration. In some ways, I think it might be my big f-you to the MFA grad program I desperately wanted to get in to, and didn't. The one I thought I needed in order to write this book I've been sitting on. In other ways, it's a way for me to remind myself of what I've lost and gained- I need reminding every day. It's been a way for me to express my joy, my doubt, my disgust and reaffirm what I believe. How being a daughter, a friend, a wife, a mother has shaped me. And there's a lot about food, too. Would it be truly be mine without much talk about food?
All this to say, though I won't be taking a break from the blog entirely- in fact, hopefully, there'll be a makeover pretty soon- that I will need to spend every creative inch I have into the running manuscript on the glaring screen first and unfortunately, you will get what is last. Don't be offended, it's for the good of the cause.
Pray/send good thoughts my way if you think of it. It's been hard work to convince myself it was worth doing. To decide that it will yield no fruit, gain no ground, perhaps touch no lives- and to do it anyway. Because I have to. Because some part of me was crafted to do this. This has already been quite the adventure.
May it be the encouragement you needed this morning to forge ahead with what you've always longed to do and stop waiting for it to happen to you. Everyone perhaps has told you not to- that it's irresponsible or reckless or too childish. Do it anyway. Do it anyway and see how big God is, how great his arm span, how beloved you are. How there was a part of you that was shaped before you were born to be this way. Do it anyway.
Today, even.
Mondays are great for starting over.