Fasting and Feasting

Confession.  I read books over and over again.  Like, a lot.  Especially if it inspires in me something that I contact to-grab hold of-empathize with.  I'm pretty obsessed with Shauna Niequist's Bread and Wine.  I can't even tell you how many times I've read it.  I made her bacon and mushroom risotto tonight (okay, it was wild assorted mushrooms and pancetta and I had to dig real deep not to be a jerk and call mine better than hers) and I hold onto her words like a child holds a blankey because it's so, well, me.  Like, most of me.  Like we're both Mamas who've lost and gained babies and dress sizes and peace.  And the thing that seals the deal is that this woman believes in THE TABLE.  But, her chapter on fasting and feasting is the one that's stayed with me the most this week.

I have been feasting with no fasting involved for quite a while.  Feasting on work and screen time and micromanaging and whining and complaining and food and drink and my own self-indulgent behavior that generally leads to pity or some other ugly emotion.  I have not fasted from commitments, from foods, from other's opinions of me, from the world at large in so long the very idea sets huge bells off in my over-indulged brain....

YOU WILL DIE WITHOUT NETFLIX.

APPROVAL.

THAT HAMBURGER.

THAT GLASS OF WINE.

DIE.

To clarify, I will not die. There is time to feast and a time to fast- I've ignored the latter, wrongly thinking the first was so much better.

We're going on vacation this coming weekend which most would think would be a green light for more feasting.  But, every year we go up north where the mountains are big and the cellphone reception is non-existant.  Every year we swim in the lake after breakfast and meander through the farm for produce to make dinner.  And every year I breath a little deeper, swim a little farther, and let a little more go, mapping out a plan for my year to come.

I'm looking forward to the fasting time from computers and keyboards and cellphone rings and Panera's take-out.  I never thought fasting could seem so appealing.