FFT's, Nutella and Kelly Kapowski
In which I get a new job, turn down a publishing contract, contemplate a haircut and put chocolate on everything
You know the kind of woman whose confidence proceeds them? The ones whose presence is felt the moment they walk into a room? The energy shifts, lightness abounds and everyone clamors to get a seat at their table?
I have never been one of those women. But I stalk them unashamedly on social media and in real life so as to, perhaps, through osmosis, learn how to enter into a situation unlike a clumsy, newborn calf- all wobbly legs and bleating insecurities about the new world they’ve found themselves in.
I have also, just recently, found myself working for a team of these women. I am not a beginner in the field we are in, but I am certainly new to answering to women who make no apologies, are free and open with their feedback, and express both their appreciation and reservations unabashedly. I am new to being trusted as the expert I am ( said with slow breaths and deep reservation). I am new to being valued as a person over what I can provide. It feels weird and right and good to experience it firsthand during Women’s History Month.
I also gathered up enough courage to send out my manuscript to a publisher, ( a memoir called, Eat My Words, about how I’ve been navigating changes in my faith, my marriage, and my life with some recipes thrown in ) several weeks ago and was completely sidelined when it was accepted. It took me nearly the entire two weeks you’re given to sign the contract to make the difficult decision to decline the offer. When I tell you I lost sleep over it- well, suffice it to say, I’m still in my pajamas. As Brene Brown says, it was an FFT week of all kinds of new things and I am tired; but it is the good kind.
I toyed with the idea of, “what to give up” for Lent this year. Lent always falls close to our family’s big birthday months- and I am staring down the mark of the last year in my thirties. On my 3oth birthday, we flew to Paris. I am bound and determined to exit the U.S. next year on my 40th (destination still unknown) which has left me feeling some kind of way about this year: the 39th. The closing of the decade that has brought me the most pain and the most growth.
Lent always felt like a good fast before the feast of the Easter season and my birthday on the 31st. But this year, I questioned what the word, “fast” means to others, and what it should mean to me and concluded that this year I would fast from denying myself and my needs. This doesn’t mean you’ll find me slathering Nutella on everything ( though I wouldn’t be against it). Rather, it means I’m going to rest when my body tells me to even if there is still, “work” to do. I’m going to drink more water even if I prefer a caffeinated beverage. I’m going to skip the channel surfing and pick up a glorious piece of fiction that I may have already read. I’m going to attempt to turn my phone completely off at least twice a week, after 7 pm. I’m going to head outside and face the sunshine even though I might prefer watching it from the couch. And I will eat dark chocolate and drink dirty martinis and order shrimp cocktail, even though I ordinarily refrain due to cost and my Puritanical view of indulgent behavior.
Here in the northeast, March really isn’t looked upon kindly. It’s harsh and confusing and unexpected. But it’s my month, so I’m claiming it. Here are the things that have given me life this week so that I can make it through the rest until the light returns, bringing the warmer weather, the flowers, and the hope.
The What is Giving me Life List:
I don’t drink a lot of water. But I drink more when I have a cute cup; particularly one with a straw. After one week of using this adorable cup my sister gifted me, I’m pretty sure half of my issues are solved by being hydrated. You should get one.
We take the kids out to dinner. We always have. This was obviously put on pause during the pandemic, but we’re thrilled to be able to sit around a table all together again. While I love to cook and serve in our kitchen, there’s something deeply nourishing about not being responsible for any of the preparation; only for the conversation. We budget and prioritize accordingly so that we can allow them to read the menu and order what sounds good or fun. There are no rules. We don’t care if they hate it and only eat 3 bites. We don’t care if they’re hungry when we get home. It’s the experience that matters. The trying of new things. The memories we make. I’m going to write a little more about this later so stay tuned. Most recently, we’ve taken them here and here.
Every March, I have a fleeting feeling that I need to cut all of my hair off LIKE RIGHT THIS SECOND. It comes after a long winter when my sort-off-curly-but-more-wavy-unruly-hair starts looking a lot less like the trendy beach wave and more like the Kelly Kapowski, circa 1994. Considering this short, messy bob to usher in my last year in my 30s.
Everyone is talking about the salad that Jennifer Aniston ate for a decade. They’re not wrong. It’s good. But, in my humble opinion, it absolutely needs a dressing. So when you make it ( because I know you will) whip up this standard dressing I use on EVERYTHING:
The Everything Dressing ( single serving: double/triple up as needed)
1/4 cup of EVOO
juice of 1 lemon
1 TSP of dijon mustard
1 tsp champagne or apple cider vinegar
2 tsp maple syrup (optional)
Salt and pepper to taste
One garlic clove, uncut
diced shallot bulb or chives
Put all ingredients in a mason jar and shake it up. Put on everything. Literally. Even makes a great marinade for grilled chicken and veggies!
I took a reading break this week. My brain needed the space, but I’ve really missed it. I did, however, re-listen to Rachel Rodgers’, “We Should All Be Millionaires” this week in the hope that I can adopt some of that boss-woman energy I was talking about.
I just want to take a moment to thank those of you who subscribe to my little piece of the internet universe. Part of being a writer means marketing yourself in ways that make you feel weird- and I want to honor the fact that with the limited time you have, you chose to spend some of it with me. If you think you know someone else who might benefit from all the fun and scary and challenging things we cover here while also telling you what to make for dinner, would you share it with them? My favorite way to connect to people is DIRECTLY. Insta is fun- but this is the good stuff.
May you enter this week looking for the things that give you life, loving your way through all uncertainties, and unafraid to eat your words. It helps when you make them delicious.