It's been a long, hard month or so with the little one, but you know that already. It goes that way. A few good days, a few terrible weeks. It's hard to stay focused on anything, let alone stay positive. But, I'm rallying today and using an age-old technique passed down from generation to generation of women who have been up all night and need a little something tangible to hold onto. No matter how stupid or small, I'm writing down the things God's given me that make me happy- give me a little bit of joy.
I'm rather obsessed with figs right now. With blue cheese and panchetta in a spinach salad. With ricotta and honey on a crusty baguette. They're pretty, all different colors. They mean a changing season, which always brings a little hope. I like them.
There's a little, white dress with blue stripes that Ellie wears right now with buttons on the shoulders with leggings and shiny, black maryjanes. And she's just about the cutest thing I've ever seen in it. Ever.
When Rich and I were first married, we had a candle from Bath and Body Works- because it was cool then, ok?-that smelled beautiful and clean and spicy like your house does at Christmas time when you've just cleaned it for company while baking cookies. They discontinued it for years, until this year. It's burning all over our house at the moment and it smells wonderful and reminds me of that first year we were married. When I baked a whole chicken without removing the bag of giblets inside. When Rich was coaching basketball and I'd bake lopsided cupcakes for the team. The first time I watched him drink orange juice out of the carton and washed both of our clothes, together. His tee-shirts with mine. It smells like home.
I just bought a pair of nude pumps and some red lipstick and wear them both as often as I can. It makes me feel like myself- but, newer.
We went apple picking last weekend and it was awesome. I love apples. And cider. My husband loves apple cider donuts. I think Ellie prefers those over real apples.
Rich has been amazing in putting the baby to "bed" for me at least once a week so I can get out of the house, get a pumpkin latte, read some fiction and write a little. It helps me remember the parts of myself that I haven't had much energy for.
I've been listening to The Wailin Jennys nonstop for weeks. Their voices stir up something in me that makes me cry, and laugh and sing.
I made tomato sauce from scratch with the tomatoes from my garden this week, and a huge pot of creamy chicken and dumplings that Ellie devoured saying, "Ummm!!!! Yummy!!!!" after every bite. Few things make me happier than watching my kid eat something I've made, and actually enjoying it.
Earl Grey Tea makes me happy. I've had it every day this week.
There you go. It may not be much, but it's what I've got.