1. My house had self-cleaning hard wood floors.
2. I knew why I have always called it, "Sherbert" when it is, in fact, "Sherbet".
3. Some doctor would figure out why my kid keeps getting blood in her diapers.
4. The Bronx Zoo was free. And closer. Like, not in the Bronx. That would be good.
5. To never see it reach 100 degrees in my kitchen whilst baking bread. Ever.
6. I cared that my last haircut was over six months ago and you could probably double dutch with my split ends.
7. My default outfit didn't include a pair of olive green, "Mom" shorts. Lord help me.
8. Chocolate chip cookies were fat-free. But not actual, fat-free chocolate chip cookies. Those are gross.
9. My brain and my mouth would join forces again for the good of humanity.
10. Diapers weren't so damn expensive. I mean, she poops in them. We pay money for something she poops in. Someone made a killing on that one.