In Which I Draw Lines, Challenge Old Belief Systems and drink Dark Rum Southsides
Or, Sunday
I have been wrestling with something for the last few months. For more than that, probably. Every time I try to push it aside and return to it later, it pops back up again in a new form. It greets me on a new page in a notebook, in a new tab on my laptop, every time I try to walk the line of deciding what to post/respond to on a social media platform.
Is it my place to speak about this, or do I stay silent?
Will I add value, or noise?
Am I complicet in my silence, or is it wisdom to, “Stay in my lane”?
Can I have more than one lane?
It’s always been extraordinarily important to me to be as inclusive as possible, and careful with my language. To ensure a safe space, home, and dialogue for everyone. At the same time, there are certain things I feel very strongly about that will most assuredly be polarizing. I can’t control how my words will be interpreted by others- because everyone reads a story through the lens of their own lives. But I can always ask the question that’s been saving me these days:
How can I love people well and not betray myself?
There’s an old adage that I remember from childhood, perhaps you recognize it, too:
It was used, for me, in the context of my religious beliefs and background. But what I found to be so interesting in the research of this quote this week, is that the internet attributes it to a great many people: Alexander Hamilton. Malcolm X. Peter Marshall. Each of these men would have had very different reasons for the utilization of this text. Different cultural and historical contexts. Different audiences. Different motives.
It’s the English teacher in me that believes that language matters; just as much as the when, why, by whom and the for whom it was written. How do I love people well and not betray myself has been the guidepost in tackling big decisions lately on when and what to speak, and what I have found is that I rarely answer this question honestly.
I will often elect to betray myself for the sake of others, and their perceptions of me.
Not anymore.
When speaking about my turn of age to a friend this past week, I jokingly referred to the internet birthday memes. You know, the one’s that say, “29 and feeling fine” and other such things. I told her I was, “39 and drawing lines”.
I’m committed to learning how to love others without betraying myself this year. Thanks for joining me.
Things That Are Giving Me Life This Week:
For our gluten-free or Passover observant friends, this flourless chocolate cake always fits the bill. You can opt to use the ganache as a glace, or simply dust it with some powdered sugar like I do ( I find the ganache lovely, but sometimes too rich).
The sun is coming! For us, that means our meals will revolve around whatever we can throw on the grill, or put in a taco or lettuce wrap. These lettuce wraps are fun and easy, always gluten-free (make sure to use Tamari instead of regular soy sauce) and can feed a crowd if you double the recipe. I love to use it as a simple, warm-er weather dinner, shared around a firepit with friends- preferably with a Dark Rum Southside. Use Ina’s recipe. Trust me.
New Jersey might be the only place where you can find some of the best food in a strip mall. Don’t believe me? Head to Binh Duong in Bloomfield for some of the best pho in the state, and to Lee’s Sushi in Wayne. Get the Columbian roll, and share it with a friend. I love living here.
Have you read Brene Brown’s, “Atlas of the Heart” yet? Me, either. BUT. I DID watch her HBO special- with my daughter, no less- and I took all the notes. It was brilliant. How to recognize anxiety as either a, “state” or, “trait” gave us language to discuss the nuances of how we each feel and communicate our anxiety and if I wasn’t forever grateful to Brene before, I owe her a meal if she ever makes her way up here.
I sent my book proposal out to 6 of my top choices for literary agents this past week. 6. I am equal parts so proud of myself and equal parts throwing up in my mouth. Carry on.
I was a guest on a beautiful podcast, hosted by women who elegantly discuss how they are finding God while they deconstruct from some harmful theology/belief systems. My episode airs this week, but if you find yourself in a similar position, I can’t recommend Deconstructingmamas highly enough.
If there’s a question you have, a topic you’d like me to cover or just a simple comment you’d like to share- please leave me a comment here. If something I said resonated with you, share it out and tag me in it! I write for me, and for you, because it connects us.
Alright, friends! Cheers to loving people and drawing lines. Facing aging with care and with courage. Hunting for the best food in NJ, learning new language for our emotions and accepting that eating our words as we grow older is inevitable; so we might as well make the process delicious.