Manipulation 101: The Showdown

There comes a time in every new parent's life when they realize that their baby has suddenly gotten a lot smarter than they have giving her credit for. Like, weeks ago. And she has been getting away with murder, rubbing her hands mischievously  in secret, in the dark, planning her next move on her worn out parents. That such time has fallen upon us.  Hard.

It's no secret that my kid doesn't sleep.  Like, really doesn't sleep.  And up until now, we haven't faulted her.  She's little.  She doesn't know any better.  She misses us.  She's hungry.  She's too hot. She's uncomfortable. Up until a few weeks ago, I would say all of those above those things were true.  No longer.

My kid's a genius.  I know every parent says that, but in our case, it's actually true.  I know every parent says that, too, but it's my blog and if you didn't believe the things I say you wouldn't be reading it, would you? Here has been our nighttime routine for the majority of her life:

Bathtime.

P.J.s.

Reading some books with Mama and Papa before bedtime.

Last bottle.

Rocking back and forth.

Putting baby down.

Baby wakes up immediately to laugh in your face.  Sometimes bite through your clothes.

Repeat process.  Over and over.  For hours.  Upon hours.  Upon hours. Until your eyes are streaked like a stoner and you start walking into walls while rocking your not sleeping, slightly smirking baby.

A week ago, I had had enough.  I was done.  I put her down in her crib awake at bedtime and I sat on her floor.  I refused to look her in the eye (mainly because I was so tired I couldn't keep them open) and I proceeded to sit there, "shhing" occasionally.  While she stood in her crib, staring down at me.  Giggling. For 3 hours.  Yes, 3 hours.  After 3 hours, I rocked her for a minute and she fell asleep, where she stayed down for a few hours only to get up and start all over again.

I reverted back to reasoning that perhaps she is just too little to understand this past week.  Which resulted in Rich and I not sleeping.  Again.  This is not working. I tried to get coffee from my water filter this week.  Something needed to change.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results, yes?  Why do new parents forget this?

So, last night I put on my big girl pants and laid down the law.  Brought her upstairs.  Followed bedtime routine.  Placed her in her crib.  Told her it was, "Night Night" time.  Watched as she laughed at me as I closed the door.  You can just hear her mocking little voice.

"You'll be back, Mama.  We both know you'll be back." 

And I was.  But only to give her a snuggle and put her back in bed.

And it was hard.

She tried everything in the book.

She faked crying. Seriously.  I watched from the crack in the door as she forced her little face into a grimace and proceeded to, "Ehhhhhhhh haaaaaaaa" . No tears.

She even pretended to be asleep.  I went in to pick her up to snuggle her before putting her back down, and it appeared as if she had fallen asleep.  Her arms were dangling.  Her breathing even.  But as I went to lay her down, her little eyes popped open and she gave me her little, "I got you." smirk.

Brat.

Now I know.  My kid is smarter than I thought.  I laid her down one more time and dialogued with her.  If she's smart enough to manipulate, she must understand what I'm saying, right?  I told her that I would not be spending all kinds of crazy trying to put her to sleep when she knows how to do it herself.  That when Mama says it's time for bed, there's no turning back.  That she can choose to lay down or not, but one way or the other, she was going to sleep.

And she did.

And we did.

And we woke up at 7.

Amen.