For as long as I can remember, I have taught children. As a kid myself, I babysat putting in long hours and eating Cherry Garcia out of other people’s refrigerators. When I married, I worked with little ones with severe autism, teaching them how to hold a spoon and a pencil, how to maintain eye contact and say “Hello” when someone says it first. After a few years, I went on to teach teenagers in middle school first, then high school. No matter the age group or situation, I tried to hold onto the same core value in each classroom. Teach them how to recognize their own dreams, and then teach them that they are worthy and capable to follow them.
I spoke this over and over again to Sam, a four year old who couldn’t say my name but could repeat entire Winnie the Pooh episodes. I whispered it to preschoolers who were afraid to climb the jungle gym or leave their Mamas. I shouted it at the teenagers who gave up too soon, who didn’t try hard enough; who acted as though they were better than grades and college because deep down they were really afraid that their lives would never amount to anything. I nearly beat it into the youth group kids who ended up in jail, or homeless or in other precarious situations because they couldn’t grasp that someone loved them. That they mattered. That the things they longed to do and be are valid. I have given this speech to so many children over the years, I don’t need to think about which words I will use. They come gushing right out like the gutter after a storm. Funny, though, how I never thought to give it to myself.
I’ve had plenty of people pour into me over the years and I am blessed because of them. But I never once stopped and listened to how my little diatribe to all of my children applied to me as well.
I’m applying to grad school this year. I am telling you this reluctantly, because I am applying to schools in which it is unlikely I will be accepted. They are hard, specified programs. But, that no longer matters. What does matter, is that I have recognized a dream. For myself and for my daughter, I will do my best to follow it.