Kendra Adachi is the genius behind the book, The Lazy Genius Way and her podcast The Lazy Genius. She’s the originator of the term, “Decide Once” so I want to make clear that my life has been made so much easier and fuller and all around better because I read this idea from her first. Kendra is a master at articulating systems that can be amended according to your own lifestyle- it’s never a one-size-fits-all and that’s what I love so much about it. There are steps in her Lazy Genius System, but my favorite step of all time is her, “Decide Once”.
For centuries, women have suffered from the burden of the multi-task and decision fatigue. We tend to be the primary parent ( this does not mean we don’t have supportive spouses who are actively engaged in our kids’ lives, it just means that when it comes to the day to day who’s going to drive them to gymnastics or to a play date or pick them up sick from school or navigate their big feelings about a friend drama it’s most likely us).
Women who work inside of the house unpaid are exhausted. Women who work outside of the house and unpaid inside of the house are exhausted. Women who work from home blurring boundaries and feeling like they’re failing at all things are exhausted.
Even with the greatest village on the planet (and mine is up there), the day-in and day-out can be taxing. Eliminating as many little decisions as possible might not seem like it would make a dent, but it’s truly been a lifesaver for me so I thought I’d give you an overview of what I’ve decided once, and haven’t deviated from- and how much freedom and space for creativity and rest it’s created as a result.
DECIDE ONCE: FOOD
I love to cook, I love to feed others, and I love food. It gives me joy and life. With that said, my children DO NOT FEEL THE SAME. I’ve tried to swim upstream on this for years, and I finally just gave up. They’re not going to eat my favorite Eric Kim’s Sheet-Pan Japchae with Roasted Wild Mushrooms or Dorie Greenspan’s CHICKEN, APPLES AND CREAM A LA NORMANDE for dinner. So, when I do the grocery shopping now rather than focusing on a menu of whole foods to be prepared lovingly by me each and every day, I focus on the following:
Breakfasts they can make themselves ( this is most often hardboiled eggs, toaster waffles, croissants or cereal and a banana with peanut butter).
Lunches: bagels and cream cheese or turkey/ham sandwiches alternatively, cucumbers or raw green beans, cut fruit, goldfish crackers and a cookie (or 4, if you’re my youngest and you packed it yourself).
Ingredients for TWO dinners. You heard me. That’s it. One of those dinners is a crowd pleaser (everyone will eat it, like roast chicken and mashed potatoes, salmon and broccoli, steak and a salad) and one is a recipe that I love, that they may not. I double both recipes, make enough for leftovers and that carries us for 4/5 days of the week.
DECIDE ONCE: ROUTINES
We hit the drive-thru every Tuesday. Yup. You heard me. Once a week my kids get a happy meal or a smoothie bowl or Panera’s macaroni and cheese and I refuse to feel bad about it. For one thing, that’s a big activity night in our house and I basically live in the car driving them everywhere which means there’s no time to cook. Just knowing that on Tuesdays I don’t have to cook or clean up has done wonders for my own sanity, and I have let go of the fact that sometimes french fries aren’t optional, ok?
We say no to big events on Friday nights. We all have big feelings in this house. We go hard with work and with people. We keep high standards. And by the end of the week, we’re all out of gas. We have tried to go to dinner as a family or do something fun and it always ends in disaster- so Friday nights are for cozy jammies by 5 pm, a “snack plate dinner” and everyone doing what they need to do in order to self-regulate. The end.
Some of us deal with anxiety in this house. When it first rears its ugly head, we have a list of coping skills to refer to and choose the ones that feel the most grounding. While sometimes time does not allow for everything, here is what we do most of the time when the train is running off the rails:
+Run a hot bath, immediately. With bath bombs for sensitive skin, preferably. Dr. Teal’s Lavender Bath Soak also works.
+Make a hot cup of tea, something herbal and floral. Also, a tall glass of ice water. Place both on the bath table along with some snacks like fruit or nuts- berries and almonds are our go-tos since they have properties that help with anxious thoughts.
+Play soft music or put a sleep story on from Calm
+Light a candle
+Decide if it would be better afterward to be quiet and self-regulate, or if a change of scenery and a movement of the body is needed.
DECIDE ONCE: PRODUCTS
May I begin by saying that the phrase, “Skin-care routine” always makes me cringe. It sounds pretentious and unrelatable. AND. I turned 40 this year and all of a sudden everything that could become scaly DID, everywhere that shouldn’t grow hair DOES and everything that SHOULD doesn’t. I have oily skin in certain spots ( never before) and the rest is dry and I have just been trying to figure out what things make me feel the most comfortable- these are them.
CeraVe Foaming Facial Cleanser is your local drugstore purchase, and it’s the best cleanser I’ve found that makes my face feel clean without drying it out. My daughter uses it, too, so win-win on the sensitive skin scale.
May Lindstrom’s The Blue Cocoon is the priciest thing I’ve ever put on my face- and I’m so grateful for it. Never in a million years would I think putting oil on my face would make it hydrated and LESS oily but, May is magic. I love her Youth Dew product as well but I’m too cheap to buy more than one May product a year. Thank God the blue cocoon lasts that long.
Juara Skin Care is what I use for everywhere other than my face ( but they have great facial products, too). The candlenut scent has been my favorite for years in the bar soap, the lotion, and body scrub, but the jasmine cream and the body oil are both glorious as well and are in rotation often.
Trader Joe’s Honey Mango Shaving Cream is silky, works perfectly with sensitive skin, and smells like summer.
That’s it. Those are the heavy hitters, for the last several years.
DECIDE ONCE: CLOTHES
I know this isn’t sexy or chic or even cool, but I don’t like to shop for clothes even a little bit. I DO, however, like feeling like myself in my clothes. I accidentally stumbled into a uniform in the summer that carried into the fall and I love it so much I think it’s just my life now. I rotate in five or six pieces I love based on the season and if there’s a trend I love or want to experiment with but for the most part, I wear the following:
Jeans. I’m 9/10 wearing jeans. I can dress them up or down, they make me feel put together without trying too hard. I can choose the wash depending on what I’m wearing on top, etc. This is going to sound a little insane to you but I do not wear athleisure clothing. I can’t handle it. I need clothes to know what they are, in the same way I can’t do fusion restaurants ( Are you French or Thai? My ODC needs a firm decision). I feel like I’m in my pajamas when I wear leggings and that affects how I feel about myself out in the world.
Tank tops/Sleeveless shells/Camis: Whatever you call them, I wear them with jeans in EVERY SEASON. White, black, and earth tones only. I get mine from Old Navy or Target and buy a few new ones every season- buying high-quality ones makes zero sense to me.
White button-up shirts: I have a few. They’re classic with everything.
Jackets/Blazers: Over jeans and a tank or the white button up I’m either wearing the following: A blazer in a fun color, my favorite leather jacket , or a sweater. These items, shoes and bags are where I spend most of my money but mind you- I’ve had the same blazers and sweaters for ten years. I still love them, and I basically sleep in my leather jacket.
Shoes: I love all kinds of shoes. My favorites are my yellow Converse right now, my leopard print kitten heels from Jcrew, brown boots from Cole Haan, and black Chelsea boots from Madewell. All of them were either purchased on ThreadUp second hand or years ago.
For accessories I keep it simple with gold hoops and a red lip, but sometimes I like to throw in a fun accent color with my bag/shoes. I don’t wear a lot of jewelry.
That’s literally it. You’ll see me in some variation of these components for the rest of my life. I no longer have to think about what to wear or what I feel good in. It’s magical.
READS
This may not make total sense to some of you, but I have one, small shelf of my grounding books. These are the ONLY ones I re-read, the ones when I am exhausted or lost or sad or lonely or confused or untethered that make me feel safe. These are listed in my decide once post because they never change, and because they are the first things I go to when I’m floating.
The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant
The Sorcerer’s Stone, by J.K. Rowling
Braiding Sweetgrass, by Robin Wall Kimmerer
Do Less, by Kate Northrup. ( This is a new edition but it’s already revolutionized my perspectives on all things so I’m putting it here)
These are in my arsenal of how to face the world when you feel like you can’t.
There are other things I’ve decided once about like how we always host Thanksgiving no matter who’s coming, or how when a friend calls last minute for coffee- as in, can you make it right now???- I try to move heaven and earth to go.
But these are the ones that give me freedom- maybe they’ll inspire you, too.