New Moms and the big Facebook Question
I know, I know. I clutter your feed with pictures of my kid eating hummus. And sliding down the slide. And smiling. And not smiling. And curtsying in her new dress. And having a tantrum.
My updates are primarily cute things my kid says, or about my kid in some degree.
Before I had a kid, I thought facebook was stupid. I hated it, actually. I don't care about who that kid I went to high school with who never talked to me ended up marrying or if he's bald or manages a bowling alley. I don't need to see pictures of people's nose jobs (and other augmentations), a close-up of an engagement ring the size of a small watermelon or snapshots of exotic vacations I'll never go on.
But, something happened when I brought a newborn home and this phenomenon has perplexed me, well, all her life. I think I know why Mama's are on facebook a little too much.
1. Staying at home is wonderful, fulfilling and a great choice for many a family. It's also terribly isolating. It's not like when you get cabin fever after you've been ill for a while. You know that there's an end to a sinus infection, and you can watch all seasons of the Kardashians while recuperating. Babyhood, though everyone says otherwise, is long. It's looooooooooooonnnnnnngggggggg. Yes, enjoy this time. Yes you don't get it back. Yes they grow up. But not as fast as everyone says. And you will be housebound for a while, until you get used to lugging that carseat in and out of the cart at the supermarket. Facebook provides an easy way of socially interacting with the public ( albeit, a bit inauthentically but you'll take what you can get when it's been 5 days in the same pants and nursing sweatshirt).
2. Your world just changed. Everything about your life changes when a little one enters into the picture. Most of the time, that's a wonderful feeling. Sometimes, it's terrifying. It's nice to be able to see other people on Facebook with hobbies and interests and jobs to remind yourself that things are normal, just a new kind of normal.
3. You need a little encouragement. I'm not talking about the embarrassing, public status cry for attention, "Why does everything terrible happen to me?" "Let down again. You just can't trust anyone" and so on and so forth. But I have found it incredibly encouraging to hear from cousins and friends who live far away. I'm glad they're able to watch Ellie grow along with me, and that she in turn, recognizes their faces as well.
4. No one reads anyone's profile anymore, it's silly. But it was one of those moments when I was home for a few months and started to lose sight of who I was before I became a rocking, soothing, milking machine that I re-read mine and cried. Oh. That's who I am? I did used to love that book. And doing this, that and the other thing. It helped remind me who I was, and gave me hope that after this stage is over, I'll be that person again.
5. This is your life now! You need to share the first time your kid ate a pancake because IT'S FREAKING EXCITING!!! It's like when my Mom used to introduce me as her musical daughter who will be a writer some day. I wanted to die every time. But now I know she was just proud of me- and excited about the person I am. Just like I am with EGS.
Now, I still think it's the biggest time suck that every existed. I think people, myself included, waste precious moments that could be spent doing the laundry or fishing my daughter's crayons out of the toilet. But, much to my chagrin, it's helped me maintain some form of sanity- some connection to the outside world. So with that, sorry my kid's face is all over your newsfeed. But not really. She is the cutest thing that ever existed, and you should be thanking me for sharing her with you.