Maybe it's the weather. But it can't be, I happen to love this weather. It's spicy scented candle weather. It's pumpkin bread weather. It's snuggles and good books with long chapters and big mugs of steaming, hot tea weather. So it can't be that. I was just feeling a bit down today. Perhaps it's the fact that I just can't seem to sleep, whether I'm up with a baby or not. Maybe it's the strange let down from not going back to work when everyone else has, and though there are plenty of friends who are home with their children, it's felt a little, well, lonely today.
Ellie ever continues to amaze me at her ability to believe that she is 16 years, and not 6 months, old. She has preferences for breakfast, you know. She dislikes eating the same thing every morning, as I've discovered. One day it's oatmeal and prunes, another rice cereal, another peas and sweet potatoes. She has decided that she is too grown up for naps these days, dozing off instead in her highchair or her spinny-rotating-chair-y-thing-y that looks like a ride at six flags for babies. She has gained a few pounds, making the treks up and down the stairs for diaper changes, laundry, and non-effective nap time more rigorous than the elliptical machine I used to pretend to frequent at the Y. She laughs like a she's been drinking whiskey from birth- husky and mischievous with a serious note.
I thought perhaps it was my house- when things are cluttered and unclean, it quite literally, makes me sad. But I've cleaned my house in the last few days; a good, before autumn cleaning. Everything smells fresh and clean. So it's not that.
I've baked apple-y things. I've made vats of homemade, organic baby food. I've allowed myself to purchase a new pair of jeans. An expensive pair of jeans. Because all the ones I own are too big, which made me feel as if I deserved a new pair. A good pair. An Adriano Goldschmied pair.
Since I can't really place it, I think I'll just take the day off. I've done all the bills, filled out all transfers for my 403b, organized mine and El's closets and removed all summer wear. We've eaten lunch, and I changed not one, but two awfully dirty diapers. Hers, not mine. I think I did enough today. Perhaps, I'll just lay down with the girl and hope we both fall asleep so that when we wake up, we can start all over. Sometimes thats all you need.