On Prayer

Give us this day our daily bread.

I have been reading Keller's new book on prayer.  I know, I know.  So is everyone else you know, I'm sure.  But I will freely admit that it may the slowest I have ever read a book in my life.  I've had to renew it from the library twice already.  I got stuck somewhere in between Chapters where he talks about our status as sons and daughters, and how Martin Luther prayed the Lord's Prayer several times a day.  Well, what's good for Martin Luther must be good for me, eh? So I started doing it, too.

Humanly, I regret it.

It's hard.

It's hard not to immediately enter the throne room and shout my concerns at God's face until I'm positive no one could ignore my noise.  It's hard to begin with adoration when my heart is full of concern.  It's hard to start with His kingdom, His will, when what I really want is to bend HIS will toward MINE and hope against hope He takes pity on me and they align.  It's a pretty revealing road to take, this studying prayer thing.

I've noticed the majority of my "prayer life" is rather just, "worrying in God's direction". I don't want to just ask for our daily bread.  I want to stock up at Trader Joes for at least two weeks.  I want to roll out of there with two carts.  I want the reassurance that tomorrow won't be as hard as today.  I want the promise that he'll pay all of my debt, that my car will start, that my kid won't get sick, forever and ever amen.

I have plenty of gratitude- this past year has taught me that.  I don't have to remember to thank Him for all he's done- for waking and sleeping, for meals and hugs and twinkle lights and jobs that pay and people who love.  But my worrying far outweighs my gratitude.  My daily bread isn't enough.  I am a greedy daughter.

So, I am practicing.

You are my Papa and you are holy. Your work is my first priority. Forgive me, help me forgive them. Help me do better, be better, look like you.  Provide what we need today.  Help me trust you will take care of tomorrow. Help me not fall backward in the ways I've left behind.  Rescue me from every evil, big and small because I'm your kid.  All I have is yours, all power comes from you, all the glory is yours.