Papa at the Door

Rich had off all week, and it was lovely.  More than lovely, actually.  Something is always missing during the day when he is gone and it was beautiful to have coffee with him in the morning, to take little trips, run errands together, watch him play with and sing to and rock our daughter to sleep.  Although it was right and fitting and perfect that he was home, it did kind of throw off Ellie's nap schedule we had been working on for a few weeks.  She had been sleeping in her bed for an hour to two hours at a time, twice a day before Papa was home all day.  Ellie loves her Papa more than peas. (And that's saying a lot right now). When he is home, the whole world stops for him.  She wants him to hold her as she eats, she wants him to dance with her, and she wants to take her naps on her favorite place- his chest.  I don't blame her.  Unfortunately,  Papa has to go back to work tomorrow and will no longer be available for midday naps.  Thus, I began the sleep re-training today.  It was unsuccessful to say the least, but I think it was supposed to be.  I'll tell you why.

Rich goes to play soccer Sunday mornings and so I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to reinstate the ten o'clock nap time.  Ellie didn't agree.  And she let me know.  Loudly.  With grunting.  And tears.  And tight, clenched fists of anger.  Rich quickly appeared in the door ready to assist, but I informed him that he couldn't help today- she had to re-learn how to go to sleep on her own.  So he turned his back and walked out of the room to stand in the doorway, out of her line of vision.  I could feel her little heart breaking as he walked away.  I could hear her question why he wasn't rescuing her.  Why wasn't he going to swoop in and pick her up and dance her around? Her angry tears, turned into sad, little sobs.  My heart broke, too- but not like my husband's.  Rich stood in the doorway, listening to his child cry, knowing full well that this was what was best for her.  It didn't make it any easier on him. And he never left the doorway.  He knew, that if he really loved his daughter and wanted the best possible for her, he had to stay out of the room.

Often it feels like God has turned his back and walked away, leaving us to wonder why he didn't rescue us.  Why, just when he had us convinced that he was a good Dad, he left us to suffer all alone.  Watching Rich as a loving Papa today cleared all of that up.  How often must God stand in our doorway, with tears in his eyes because of his love for us, but we don't see him because he's out of our line of vision.  And how often does he stand aside in the doorway, active in his inactivity, because he knows something greater will come of it for us.  Something life-giving.  Something marvelous.  And he loves us enough to endure the heartbreak of a parent watching their child suffer, over and over again, because he only wants the best for us.   When I think about it that way, it's almost more than I can bear.

Hope this encourages you as you start your week.