Parenting a Perfectionist

(The halting plucking of piano keys in the background with a little voice whispering, "C,D,F- ahhh no! That's wrong!" over and over again until a meltdown ensues on the floor.)

My daughter, much to my delight, has expressed a deep interest in learning the piano.  She's three and a half which is, in fact, the most perfect age for learning anything that takes a lifetime to master.  I already had grand visions of Carnegy Hall and long black dresses, of plaited hair and velvet ribbons, of Beethoven and Bach.  But first, the basics.  She mastered the identification of the treble and bass clefs.  Understood the basic layout of the keyboard.  Can read and identify the notes C,D, and E on a staff.  But, when it came to her fingers playing what her eyes were reading, it was a little more difficult than anticipated- for her- and that, that was a huge problem.

As soon as Ellie was able to walk and speak, everything she attempted she had to do well or she would meltdown.  I'm not talking about a tantrum or a fit, I'm talking, deep disappointment within herself that manifests in sorrowful crying, moaning, "I just can't do it right.  Why can't I do anything right?"

We've tried to combat this by always encouraging the attempt and not so much the performance.  We try to emphasis how much she is loved and how proud we are of her when she tries- not just when she gets it right.  But she comes from a strong lineage of parents who have both throughout their lives refused to do anything unless success was guaranteed.  We never thought how our pride and tendencies to "earn our keep" or "save face" would affect our offspring.

We've never done this before.  This parenting thing.  This parenting a little "us" thing.  We're not really sure how to walk this thing out.  A thing we were never really sure how to walk out ourselves.  But we're trying to remember about grace, about abundant grace, about a faith not based on works, about a God who loves us for who we are and not what we can do.  Hopefully if we can get it down ourselves, she'll catch on.