St. Valentine, Some Questions on Love and Peanut Butter M&M's
No one REALLY knows the origin of St. Valentine's Day. He may even have been two entirely different people, both martyred in the name of the Lord. In fact, we may have Chaucer to thank instead for the day decorated in pink hearts, full of disappointed women being taken to less than adequate restaurants. He was the first one to link it's historical figure to a day in which to celebrate lovers. It always comes down to a literary sort.
I know for most, it's a dreaded day that makes no sense. It's commercialized, the main goal being to boost the economy after Christmas. It's stupid and means nothing. It adds pressure to yet again, one spouse or the other to come through with something just perfect to demonstrate our undying love and devotion. (Didn't I just do that by making dinner?) To reinstate all of those new gym memberships with an abnormal amount of chocolate consumption. It makes those who are single feel even more lonesome and gives those who are not one more thing to fail in.
And I love it.
I know.
It shocks even me, the self-proclaimed, un-romantic. I adore it. Chocolate and flowers are two of my favorite things. An excuse to have a date night out with my husband is worth more than gold. A day to celebrate us- look how far we made it! I love the glamorized idea of of the patron Saint of happy marriages, travel and bees. (Well, and epilepsy, I guess. If I'm going to be thorough). And it's got me thinking about all these articles swirling around, advising young folks on the secrets of lasting relationships. I won't refute any of them, because, true to form, there is no script or method to follow except the one that was written for you and your significant other by God himself. But, in the spirit of things I will attempt to answer some questions we've gotten over the years concerning love and marriage....it is the month of love, you know. Not to instruct, be abided by or referred to as guidance, but in celebration that we all have different stories to tell, and to celebrate!
Why did you get married so young, and how did it make marriage easier or more difficult?
This one is simple. We got married because we wanted to. Because we knew it was what we were meant for. And we were too young to truly be aware of all of the consequences that come along with dedicating your life to someone else. :) The first year of marriage was incredibly difficult on the surface of things: I was still in college. Rich worked at the mall, we had one, semi-functioning vehicle and lived in the basement apartment of the church we attended. We ate peanut butter and jelly and macaroni and cheese and prayed for left-overs after fellowship meals. But that is the only year I truly felt the constraint of our youth on the decision of getting married. I know some people are quick to advise young couples to wait to make sure you don't take all of your "baggage" with you into a new venture. I won't negate this if that has proven to be true for someone else, it just wasn't for us. Rich and I both had several pounds of baggage we strung along with us into our marriage and I think it was one of the most strengthening, unifying struggles we've worked through. Because we did it together. We had no other choice. And because of it we were bare, honest and stripped down with only God and each other to hold onto to rebuild really early on into our marriage. Looking back, I can't think of a better foundation.
Do you ever worry about having lost sight of who you are because of being married so early on?
This is my favorite question, and for whatever reason, we're asked it a lot. I think we're all a little obsessed with the idea of, "losing oneself" and "finding oneself". Marriage is a beautiful example of blending- blending families, cultures, values, children, etc. These are all perfect examples of becoming one with your partner. But, have I ever felt like in the middle of being Rich's wife, I lost sight of who God created me to be as an individual? Never. (Ask me about being a Mother and my answer might be a little different, but that's another post for another time:) Rich and I are very similar in certain aspects of our lives, and in most others, starkly different. I've never felt like I've modified my tastes to fit his and in the process, lost myself. I think this gets confused with serving your partner with love and grace. I sit on the couch Saturday mornings and watch soccer with my husband. I hate watching soccer, but he loves it and I want to serve him. So, I grab a good book and sit with him while he watches. The older we get and the longer we've been together, I feel more and more like myself. I hope he is able to say the same. He encourages that in me. He pushes me to do the things I love, whether inside or outside of the house- whether he "gets" it, or not. Because of his support and encouragement, I am more confident in who I am as a person. I think that's one of the greatest blessings of our marriage- we're fans of each other.
How did you KNOW?
We believed that God gives you the desires of our hearts. People interpret this to mean all kinds of crazy things like if they really, truly want a lacrosse playing, surfing, orphan loving, tall, dark and handsome Pastor, then the exact proto-type will walk magically through the door. And he might! God does all kinds of unbelievable things. However, I think we often forget that God knows our hearts much more intimately than we do- and our desires fall under that. He knows what we truly want and need, in a deeper way than even we do ourselves. Rich and I gave each other to God long before we were even dating and trusted that God would bring us together if we were supposed to be. And he did. Not in the way we expected, but we weren't looking for something we manufactured ourselves. We didn't want to be the writers of our story.
I hope you're able to celebrate this month- the way God brings people together. How our example on earth is meant to mimic Christ and his bride.
And eat an insane amount of red and pink peanut butter M&M's.
It's worth it just for those.