Stream of Consciousness
My husband will often ask me what I am thinking about, if I have a glazed look for more than a few minutes. He never regrets his question, but still, after nearly a decade of being with me, he is surprised by how my insane mind works. I tell him that it's no picnic to contend with O.C.D and anxiety disorders all at the same time, perpetuated by the ensuing holiday. This, is my stream of consciousness this morning.
I can't believe my kid is down for a nap.
Wonder how long she'll stay down.
I should be napping with her.
As soon as I lie down, she'll wake up. I know it.
Got to re-run the washing machine. Left Ellie's clothes in there over-night. For the second night in a row. Ew.
I hope we killed the last mouse in our house. It was traumatic the way it stuck to the gluetrap.......
I love Christmas. It's so much fun to buy things for Ellie!
Oh my gosh we're so broke and in so much debt there is no way I can buy one more thing.
Look at those little leggings? Are they on sale?!?!?!?! I'm getting two pairs.
I have to pay the bills.
Paying the bills gives me anxiety.
Anxiety keeps me awake.
Why won't my kid stay asleep?
It's killing me.
Is it worth a hundred dollar conversation with a specialist?
A hundred bucks?
God we're so broke.
I'll just put it on the credit card.
And then I'll transfer the balance.
And then we'll rent our house and move.
I have to finish grad school applications if I'm going to get in anywhere.
I'm not going to get in anywhere.
I'm not going to get in anywhere.
Or sleep ever again.
I love Christmas.
Maybe when Ellie wakes up we'll make ornaments and bring down the decorations and drink hot chocolate. She loves hot chocolate.
I'm too tired for that.
I'm a bad mother.
I'm going to take a nap.
Dang.
She's awake.