Table Wars: How I Called a Cease Fire with my Picky Toddler

Ellie loves cucumbers with hummus.  Salmon and broccoli (which my husband dubbed the, "Princess Pink Fish".  He's for hire, people).  Blueberries, raspberries, strawberries.  Lentils.  Edamame. Hardboiled eggs.

She also loves cream cheese with bagels.  (In that order).  Pizza. Chicken nuggets and french fries.  And, the forever favorite, Mac and Cheese from Panera.  (Who doesn't? That stuff is crack in a bowl. Only with calories. Lots and lots of calories.)  Cupcakes, ice pops and ice cream.  And requests these things, all day long.

Because food is such a big part of our lives as a family, when she was an infant, I read all kinds of books on how to raise an adventurous eater.  I was bound and determined to avoid the white food epidemic American kids seem to fall into.  I imagined fantastical scenarios where her little fingers would be adept at the folding of Injera around some akilt wat at our favorite Ethiopian restaurant.  People at other tables would marvel at how cultured my kiddo was and ask if I would be willing to teach classes on incorporating diverse eating into their children's diets.  See? I really thought about this stuff.

It just didn't pan out as I expected.  "I don't want that" and, "Ew, this tastes yucky" became a mantra around the dinner table.  We were tired of fighting, frustrated with her obstinance and were afraid that all of our dictating, mandating and hard lines would put her off of food forever.  (I had a Grandmother who fell under the, "Eat what's on your plate whether you like it or not or you will starve and be punished" generation, and while she made mostly delicious things I had no problem consuming, I still have nightmares about sitting at the dining room table for hours refusing kidney pie or an egg salad sandwich on rye to this day.  )  No judgement on Mamas who operate that way and it works for you, it's just not the road I wanted to go down.

So, after relenting to pizza for lunch for the third time this week, I sat down during nap time and thought long and hard about the value of food and eating as a family that I wanted to pass down to my children.  This was what I can up with:

Thankfulness

I want my kid to understand the blessing of a meal, the God from whom it comes from, how certain children are not privy to the safe, nutrient rich and lovingly prepared food that we are and just how wonderful it is to be blessed with abundance.

Family

Eating together around the table signifies an innumerable amount of things to a child.  Whoever eats with us, is treated as family as eating is an intimate event.  The breaking of bread together is something larger than feeding our bellies, it feeds our hearts.

Nourishment

As El grows, I want her to be able to recognize the foods that sustain her body, mind and spirit and help her grow.  I want her to recognize the sacred event of eating as one that God gave us to nourish parts of my our body with the different foods He crafted- and which foods help us to do that.

Pleasure

Food is a pleasurable experience- at least, it should be.  A delicious meal is a memory people love to share.  A special treat is treasured and remembered.  I'm aware of the warnings of nutritionists and scientists who caution parents not to use food as a reward.  I'm ignoring it.  It doesn't fit our family.  I want Ellie to know what a special treat ice cream is, because of how yummy it tastes, because we don't eat it often.  It's an indulgence- a lovely, fun, beautiful indulgence and I want her to know the difference between nourishment and a treat.

As a result of ironing out the most important things to us and the ones that aren't so important, how our meal time looks is a little different.  I make simply prepared foods, and encourage her to try.  But I never force her to.  I give her at least one thing that I know she loves at every meal, and always offer an opportunity to try something new.  Sometimes she does, and likes it! (How else would you get a two year old to eat Salmon?) And most of the time, she hates it, spits it out, and continues to graze on her fruits and hummus.  But I don't stress about it anymore.  I will continue to teach her the values that surround our relationship with eating, and trust as we go along she will learn.

And sometimes, I'll just give her a damn cupcake for breakfast.  :)