The List of Things Moms Never Talk About (But Should)
Parenting is glorious. There's nothing quite like it. It is the most rewarding, fulfilling thing I have ever done. That being said, I wish parents were as candid about the ugly side of parenting as they are about the beautiful things, instead of making light of them in cheery facebook statuses:
"No sleep for the fifth day in a row. Looks like one cup of coffee will not be enough!" Insert emoticon smiley face here.
When you have not slept for five days, no one is smiling. Least of all, you. And for the sake of other parents suffering the same thing, don't pretend you are.
So, here we are. I'm left with the unkind task of telling things as they are in the hope that another new mom reading this blog in spit-up stained sweatpants, breast milk leaking through the nursing pads the sales woman at Babies R Us swore would be absorbent enough to wear in public with white, butt cream under her fingernails will be encouraged. I've been where you are. I am still there, at times.
1. Some of us have buyer's remorse the moment we step into our home from the hospital. "I don't want this." "I want my old life back." "I don't know how to do this." "This was more than I bargained for." "This is not what I thought it was going to be." It doesn't mean you're depressed or a bad mother. It doesn't mean you don't love/want your child. It just means your whole world was turned upside down in the matter of two days and everyone expects you to just, adjust. And no one really can. Not that fast.
2. Breast-feeding is harder than taking your GRE's. For real. You would think it would be the most natural thing in the world, right? That's how God intended it. Forget it. It's messy. It's painful. They latch on. They don't. You can't tell how much they're eating. They want to eat all the time. You have stained all of your favorite tee-shirts. You must now wear bras to bed at all times. Some Moms really love the quality time with their kid, and nurse them for quite a long time. Not me. I did it, don't get me wrong. I did it because I thought it was what was best for my kid, so I suffered through it. But we're done now. And you know what? I don't miss it. Not even a little.
3. I love my decision to stay home and raise my kid. Love it. Wouldn't have done it any other way. But there are some days, when the debit card is declined, or she refuses to go down for a nap for the third time in a row, that I long for my classroom. For the chance to teach a child who can verbally respond- no matter how indignant he/she may be. For the opportunity to use my brain for something other than measuring out formula.
4. I feel as sexy as a toothbrush. There you go. Bodies are different after birth, and though I'm not one of those Moms who mourns her post-baby body, I am unsure of how to operate in this one yet. Things still feel like they're in the wrong place.
5. You're a cryer. I wasn't really a cryer before, but I am one now. At first, you think it's just the hormones. And you're 70% right. Then, your kid's 6 months all of a sudden and you're still crying at those troops coming home for the holidays commercials and those damn animal shelters with the dog with the big eyes. And when you can't make dinner on time. And when your kid won't fall asleep. And when you haven't seen a movie in the theater since The Lord of the Rings. And when someone at church asks how you are, and you're really fine but for some reason you're crying and you have to apologize for your bizarre emotional display.
6. I haven't slept through the night for an entire year. I never slept during pregnancy due to illness, and I don't sleep now because my kid never does. Let me tell you, no matter what your pediatrician/shrink/midwife/best friend/book/expert/peanut gallery has to say on the subject, do what works for you. He only sleeps in the car and you haven't slept for more than 3 hours at a time in two weeks? Do us all a favor. Put him in the car. Kid only sleeps in your bed and screams in his own? The answer seems obvious, no? Nothing works for us or I would do it. Believe me. If Ellie only slept in an airplane I'd invest in nightly trips to Singapore. I'm tired of feeling badly about it, like it's my fault. We've tried everything- with commitment. It only perpetuated the sleeplessness and my daughter's stubborn nature. She will scream for hours. Until she pukes. For weeks at a time. Weeks, people. So, if she's calm while I hold her, I will hold her. You wanna know why? I'm so exhausted I put my coffee cup in the freezer this morning. I forgot to pay our car insurance this month. I'm too tired to try anything else.
There you have it, and that doesn't even scratch the surface, does it? Being a Mom is a hard job. A rewarding, beautiful one. But hard. Wouldn't it make us all feel a little better if we were honest about it?