The Sleep Update
I've had several, er hundred, people ask me how we're sleeping these days. I've resisted posting about it because I was deep in denial about this being a Mommy blog. I'm over it. I've been and still am many things; I am also a mother of a very small child who seems to take over my entire life. That's fine. I kinda love her. I'm so appreciative of your concern over our lack of sleep this year, your interest and your genuine desire to help us with advice, sympathy or just a really large cup of Joe. Here's the 411 on nighttime at the Shannon's.
For the last week and a half, for the first time in months, things got a little better. Ellie's teeth took a break from splitting her gums in two, the temperature was near perfect and we tired her out adequately enough to warrant only a once a night wake up at around 3 am. It felt heavenly. Last night, however, we were right back to our usual up every two hour schedule.
In truth, we are tired. We are more than tired, we are haggard. We have dark rings inside of our dark rings. We're like, little Saturns. Little, tired, Saturns. But I will honestly say that since we broke down and reached out to folks like you, like our friends, our family, our Pastors, we have felt all of your prayers and happy thoughts. Though we are tired, we are not despairing. You have no idea what an enormous step toward the light that is.
I'm not even going to pretend that I know why this has been our experience. I'm not sure what this might be preparing us for in the future, and I'm not going to good- naturally throw my hands up with a laugh and make a joke about how she'll sleep when she's married.
The thought of waiting that long makes me want to throw-up the spinach salad I had for dinner.
I will rejoice honestly about my healthy baby who's learned the delicate art of sarcasm and irony at 16 months old. I will leave dishes in the sink for the second night in a row because my eyes are burning from being open too long. I will accept help from my husband and family and friends who continue to love on me and my family and my insomniac child.
But most of all, I will have hope. I will not be naive as to believe this will all be over in a couple of months, that one magic day she will just fall asleep, and stay there. But I will ruminate on the hope of that. On the hope that I have that is most certain. I have God who calls me daughter, who will never leave me, who will lift me up and walk through every trial beside me. He only desires my good. I will hope it comes soon. But if it doesn't, it will not take my hope.