The Vagina Monologues

When you take your three year old daughter to a routine trip to the library and she decides to act a fool and run screaming in and out of the torrid romance novel aisles and you snatch her up quickly while the mean librarian gives you the stink eye for your terrible parenting skills and the entire ESL class in the conference room with the door open trying to figure out how the English word for eggplant actually means a weird little purple vegetable is watching this little scene desperate for some entertainment and you crush her a little too hard onto your hip out of embarrassment and she begins to throw her head back and scream,

"YOU'RE HURTING MY VAGINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!"