The Worry Thief

Some of us are planners.

Some of us, budgeters.

Some enthusiasts.

Some, encouragers.

I, I am a worrier.

I have been other things in my life, but this title has never completely left me.  In fact, it continues to become more and more prominent as I get on in years and add more things to my life.  The more that is added that I love, the more there is to worry about.  Not only is there more to worry about, but the complexity of the worry increases.  It is the domino effect of worry.  If I do this this way, it will ruin chances of something else along the line. If I don't get Ellie down for her nap at 4, there is no way she will sleep through the night.  If I take a nap when she is sleeping, I will be an unproductive person who could have gotten x,y, and z done.

All worry is is a series of untruths riddled with doubt, sans any supporting evidence.  It is a bad high school freshmen's paper on, "A House on Mango Street" regaling the reader of the funny way the author portrays tropical fruit.

I am a stickler for the truth.  But worry, worry sneaks under the doorway.  A crafty thief. He manages to hold me up for all of my possessions- my sleep, my health- without so much as a water gun for proof of a weapon.  Worry is all bark, no bite.  Yet, still, I believe him and allow him to plunder as he pleases. In fact, I am the one who opens the door to let him in and offers up all of my valuables for the taking.

Why is that?

I can read as many books as I'd like on the subject of anxiety and worry, take drugs, see counselors but nothing will change until I stop opening the door.

It's certainly hard to admit that we do not control everything- realistically, we control very little, if anything at all.  We control so little, in fact, we revel in the small things we can control, like, opening the door to the Worry Thief. So silly.

The thing is, my kid's going to sleep tonight, or she won't.  I'm going to get over this cold tomorrow, or I won't.  We'll be poor, or we won't.  Hungry or not.  Happy or no.

If things are going to be what they're going to be, there's no point in worrying about them.

Remind me of that tomorrow.