I have made the startling realization that though I’ve been a literature teacher for the majority of my career, I have lived my entire life like a supporting character rather than the protagonists we studied. ( If you missed my deeper dive into this, read this first.)
This means that I’ve centered someone or something else as the focal point, and taken a backseat whenever possible… which is counterintuitive to what I hold valuable and true:
A good story is the greatest joy.
I can’t tell a good story with my own life unless I’m the lead.
I’ve been challenging myself to really consider what it would look like, feel like, be like if I lived like a leading lady. The answers were shockingly simple- so much so, it might not make much sense to you. But, if you are carrying some of the things that I have carried ( Religious trauma? Check. Disordered eating? Check. OCD and anxiety? Double check. PTSD and sexual trauma? Check, check. Abandonment? Hi. People pleasing? Yes. Mothering and full-time work “outside of the house”? You bet. ) Some of these may ring true for you, too.
I’ve made a quiet commitment to myself for the next six months to live like the protagonist in my own story. Let’s see what that actually means:
Living Like a Leading Lady
My Day Begins with Me
Ever since my children were born, their needs have been my first priority. When you have babies and toddlers, this is often unavoidable. However, no adjustments were made mentally, emotionally, or physically on my end as they grew. This means, before I even have a cup of coffee I am looking for socks, making lunches, toasting waffles for their breakfast, and signing last-minute field trip permission slips. This has led to exhaustion on my end, and some resentment if I’m honest. I am often the mom in the drop-off line sporting bedhead and unbrushed teeth only to rush back home and start work for the day. But not anymore. Last week I started showering early, before drop-off. I woke them up 20 minutes earlier to find their own clothes, toast their own waffles, pour their own cereal. I had a cup of coffee in clean clothes and felt like a different person. Then- I actually looked forward to helping with their lunches and checking backpacks for the necessary items rather than dreading it. I didn’t resent the time it took for tasks they can now do themselves- and my body responded positively to being the first priority.
Good Girls Go First
I have a “good girl” problem, coupled with an intense bent toward performance. This has made living in a digitally accessible world REALLY difficult. My phone is a tiny dictator, and I am a compliant soldier. Every ping, text, email, notification, Teams or Slack message NEEDS TO BE ANSWERED IMMEDIATELY. I have a task! It must not be left! But I am working very hard at reframing this to support leading lady energy. I do not need to jump and inconvenience my own life to answer a message right away. I can pause, and choose what needs to be responded to (when I have the time to do so). My time is valuable. Who I am is worthy. What I have to offer is helpful, and I get to choose how that transpires. This extends to plans I have to cancel, opportunities I can say no to without guilt, and boundaries I can draw.
Scripts Are For Supporting Characters
Protagonists often think out of the box, and are embodied in their decisions. This can be difficult for someone like me who feels most secure when there are routines and rituals and schedules in place….
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