Why and How We Take Our Kids To Fancy Restaurants

Even if they're assholes and don't eat anything

A New Jersey restaurant made the news this past week about a new policy they’re issuing: No. More. Kids. The explanation was that the staff was tired of cleaning up the mess and the kids are noisy. I simplified it, but you get the idea.

There are few things that enrage me, truly.

1. Taking away the right of the communal act of eating from little humans who are in the throes of learning how to be decent, bigger humans.

2. Inconsiderate patrons.

In this bonus newsletter, I’m going to address both, and how we as a family have always kept our commitment to life around the table both in and out of the home.

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I suppose the first thing we must get out of the way, is this:

Children are people, just smaller. You can’t ban people from establishments simply because they’re annoying sometimes. I think there’s a word for that. AND, if you ARE taking your kids to a restaurant as a parent or guardian, you must make choices that set your kids up for success- and eliminate the burden on the waitstaff as much as humanly possible.

Here are my reasons why we take our kids to restaurants:

1. Restaurants provide beautiful exposure to diverse cultures and customs that they wouldn’t ordinarily experience in our own home. ( Making them all the more inclined to be accepting and courteous when they are in other people’s homes for dinner without us.)

2. It’s one thing to tell them at home that table manners are important, but it’s another to see other people outside of your family use them in the real world.

   ( This is called, application).

3. It provides a way for us to connect as a family without the added stress of preparing and cleaning up the kitchen after the meal is over; it means, all eyes are on the kids instead of standing at the sink washing dishes, running to turn over the laundry, etc.

4. Eating in a communal setting is one of the common proponents of longevity. Seriously. People who eat together, more often, live longer. It’s just the facts. We love a communal table.

5. Being encouraged to step outside of one’s food comfort zone (Grilled chicken hearts? Shitake mushrooms? What is this green sauce?) while in the company of trustworthy people teaches them that they are safe to try new things, and make up their own minds about their preferences. It also opens opportunities for dialogue about how and when to communicate preferences in a kind and non-offensive way. ( Don’t yuck someone’s yum, as it were).

6. Food is the ultimate unifier: it creates an environment ripe for conversation, creativity and connection. We’ve taught them to connect to others by and with food. We won’t stop now.

So, how do we do it? How have we brought our kids since they were babies to high-end, eating establishments without making everyone hate us (including our kids)?

It looks different every time, and that’s on purpose.

There are several reasons why we, as a family, go out to dinner so I’ll highlight them here:

1. WE CANT FIND A SITTER SO THE KIDS ARE COMING ON DATE NIGHT

2. TO CELEBRATE

3. TO EXPOSE THE KIDS TO A NEW CULTURE AND/OR CUISINE

WE CANT FIND A SITTER SO THE KIDS ARE COMING ON DATE NIGHT

You know the drill. You had childcare set up weeks in advance, but the sitter came down with the stomach bug or the bubonic plague or simply flaked and now you’re stuck. We call these, “date-nights with the kids”. We call ahead and change our reservation from 2 to 4. Then, we make sure we feed the kids something substantial and healthy before we leave ( this could simply mean grapes and a cheese stick, ok?). We tell them to pack their, “restaurant bag” which right now always includes a coloring book/activity book and fresh crayons, some string to make bracelets and their tablets and HEADPHONES- don’t be those people. (When they were babies, we obviously packed these ourselves with age-appropriate toys. ). When we get there, we let them order a fun drink ( usually a shirely temple), a side of fries and dessert. We ask the waitstaff to bring their drinks with ours, and the fries and dessert together when we get our meals. We don’t dictate when they use the things they brought in their bags- they get to choose. It gives us a break as parents and allows them to enjoy their time while still getting the exposure of being somewhere else for dinner.

TO CELEBRATE SOMETHING AS A FAMILY

We don’t bring restaurant bags for family celebrations, unless it’s a BIG family reunion or something that has a lot of people. We encourage the ordering of something familar and tasty to them and don’t restrict what that means. It’s a celebration, after all! We read the menu all together, however- sometimes we hear something that peeks our interest, or makes us think and that’s always fun! Celebrating out as a family means we’re there with the purpose of being together.

TO EXPOSE THE KIDS TO A NEW CULTURE AND/OR CUISINE

Sometimes, the very purpose of us going out is for exposure’s sake. When we know we are headed to a restaurant whose cuisine is unfamiliar to our kids, we lay the ground work by doing the following: in their restaurant bags in addition to their items we have them pack 2 safe foods- turkey sandwiches, fruit like apples or bananas, peanut butter. It helps when trying something new to also having something familiar on the plate. When we get there, we read the menu all together and pick out the foods we heard that sound good or fun or interesting to us. Only my husband and I order full meals, and we get extra plates. We have them select a fun drink ( Mango Lassi’s are delicious!) and a carb ( paratha, yes please) and get two, extra plates. When the food arrives we try to experience it with all of our senses ( this doesn’t smell familiar to me, this doesn’t look how I thought it would, I’m not so sure about this) and encourage them to choose one thing to taste on their plate, along with their other safe foods. We always engage our waitstaff and ask what their favorite meal is ( it’s important for them to hear what other’s love).

OTHER TIPS:

• When the girls were small, we would always pack extra papertowels/wipes/sometimes even an extra, small garbage bag and we CLEANED UP THE MESS WE MADE BEFORE WE LEFT. Do not leave a shitshow in your wake. This is someone’s business; essentially, an extension of their very own home and kitchen. If you wouldn’t leave someone’s house a mess, don’t do it to someone’s restaurant.

• Babies will cry. Do not expect that everyone in the restaurant will have the same tolerance level as you for the noise. We always took turns taking them out for walks, a little sit down in the car, looking for flowers or pebbles. Sometimes, one of us missed the meal entirely and the other parent had their meal wrapped up to go. Temper your expectations from the beginning- this is a long game. Raise them going to restaurants, and this won’t happen as they grow.

• Go early. The fact is, not everyone thinks babies with spaghetti sauce smeared all over their faces are cute; patrons and waitstaff alike. Practice by going out for, “happy hour” between 3 and 5 on the weekends. Grab a cocktail and some snacks or small bites while the restaurant is still fairly empty- this is good for you, and for them. It alleviates the pressure and allows you to enjoy the experience.

TIP WELL. Especially if you were noisy. Especially when you really tried your best, but there’s still rice all over the carpet. Especially then.

Kids belong in restaurants AND we need to uphold our end of the bargain as patrons they’d want to have frequent again.